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Phrases of Conductors of Symphonic Orchestras

There are only three rehearsals left to shame!
The bassoons have not yet taken in their mouths, and the trombones have already finished!
I say: pipes! And they look, hug, kiss.
The note under the dot means that you need to do something with it.
I will tell you now what notes are here - you will be very surprised.
There the devil knows what is written in the score! The scribe is a terrible shit man.
This is not a symphony orchestra, you can’t hide in the crowd, you have to play cleanly!
Play not what I demand, but what is written in the notes.
Gypsy fun is overshadowed by the impracticable trombone passage.
It is necessary to play as if you had a little drink and do not rush anywhere.
Pretend you are musicians, not just assholes with glands.
In decent orchestras, they don’t stare at the conductor!
"Eight" - the same pace, only 2 times faster!
Play like a flute in the bushes.
Violas, where do you climb? And okay, something decent would have climbed, otherwise it would be a sharp sharp!
Guys, these are “cuckoo sounds,” not the approach of enemy aircraft!
All parties are like parties, and the first sopranos are disabled!
And if someone played out of tune, the main thing is to have time to look at the neighbor with reproach.
Do not drown in your own talent!
I don’t need to breed all these snot here with bows! They wiped the bar and played dry!
Look at the party with one eye and at me with two!
Number the measures, otherwise the eyes may shift, but there are no numbers!
At home, come and practice so that your whole family knows how to play it ...
Why are you always trying so hard to play as soon as I start conducting?
Female choir! Sing along with your brains.
You should have absorbed this work with the teacher’s milk!
Mendelssohn must be played without Mendelssohnism.
Violas! Let the moment of your giftedness take effect.
It is necessary to take this note very firmly, even if false!
Remove your manicure from the neck!
Move your left hand harder so that everyone thinks you are alive.
Tell me, please, did you play like that now after the conservatory? Tomorrow I’ll go there, strangle the rector and demand that your diploma be taken away!
Girls, you have fingers on your hand like Schwarzenegger’s on your foot!
People playing counterfeit should be imprisoned on a par with counterfeiters.
It would be better if you beat your head in timpani, it would turn out louder!
Stop staring at the neckline of the flute player, there are no notes, your part is on the music stand!
Trumpeters, although you sit above the trombones, but they, unlike you, are men!
Now I will turn back to you now, and you guess what I wanted to say!
Well, you have to hate each other so much to play like that!
Why didn’t they explain to you in childhood how the pipe differs from the pioneer hearth?
Shostakovich was not a boxer, but for such a game he would have risen and filled your face!
And what kind of fool told you that your place is on stage, and not at a construction site?
For such a solo, I would kiss you, sorry to sit far away. I am waiting for you at 10 am tomorrow in my office.
For some reason, drummers always try to consider themselves the most important in the orchestra! Remember: the head of the orchestra is the director, the second is me, and you are in the first hundred!
I have the impression that the pipes have an obstruction. Consult a gynecologist!
If you play the first digit again, I will kill all of you in turn, bury, sit down, and then I will create a new orchestra!
You, my dear, have such an expression on your face, as if, apart from the cello, you never held anything between your legs!
Aren't you afraid to go to the second department? Say thank you to the intelligentsia who go to the conservatory. And then the proletarians would get up from their places and fill all of you with a muzzle for such a game!
Do not torment the harp and confuse it with a drunken husband!
Play the piano like I'm dead!
I know that you all hate me. Now think about how I should relate to you?
I have no place with you in the same music!
The second trombone, I want to wish you to play like that at your funeral!
What kind of New Orleans are you bred here? Have you had blacks in your family?
If you think that a symphony orchestra differs from a kabatsky orchestra only in that there are more cocks in it, you are very mistaken!
Try blowing from yourself! I have the impression that you still did not explain the direction of the air flow in the mouthpiece at the music school!
I will ask you to die on these eight measures, not even breathe!
It would be my will, I took advantage of this wand so that you have renewed air permeability in the body!
I will ask scribes to write a larger party for idiots!
I promise you employment in the underpass, and I will personally agree with the cops and bandits so that you are not touched. But I can’t vouch for passers-by.
Instead of a saxophone, you would need a Friendship chainsaw in your hands. The sound is the same, but more money!
You have very beautiful, strong hands. Put the instrument down and strangle yourself with them, don’t mock the music!
Come home, convey my condolences to your wife. How can you sleep with such an irregular person?
You play it so familiarly, as if you were drinking personally with Prokofiev!
Tell me, aren't you ashamed? It would be better if you ruined the air than this beautiful place in the adagio!
I stop all ceremonies and from today I’ll start you at