Из блога "Славы Сэ" Малолетних хулиганов в кабинет...

From the blog "Glory Se"
Young hooligans are brought into the psychologist's office like refrigerators for repair. The father puts a twenty on the table, shoves it under the patient's ass, says - "indulges." Or, "he can't wash the dishes, bastard." After service, the child should be combed, smiling and greedy for dirty dishes. Many people ask for a guarantee for such and such money.

Educated fathers meet. Instead of "hello," they say "impulsive" and "sensitive accentuation." Their children are justified by hereditary psychopathy, tormenting the clan since the time of Koshchei the Immortal. For comparison, children simply associate the frailty of glass with evil fate and an absurd case.

By the end of the day, the school psychologist dreams of a magic wand that turns children directly into money. A slight blow to the forehead, without painful conversations and projective techniques. By the way, the fangs of a drawn cow indicate high aggression. And a black square instead of a muzzle - about CNS damage. How to be saved if the artist suddenly comes up with an attack, the manual does not tell. Is there a central nervous system there at all - the psychologist thinks, hanging pictures.

Now let's move on to the children. Schoolchildren are not afraid of anyone who is not a dental surgeon. And if there is nothing to steal in the office, then they do not respect. On psychologists, they set up experiments and funny experiments. They paint landscapes out of solid teeth and retell the Living Dead film as a personal experience. The diagnosis of "explosive psychopathy" is the highest goal of a visit to the cerebrospin. It's nice to brag about it at school. On the other hand, the "nice boy" resume casts shame into the ocean.

Good girls are a completely different world. They have such moms that they want to work at night. The husbands of these mothers are scoundrels. An experienced psychologist calculates this nuance and is ready to empathize with a significant discount. Women suffer from lack of spirituality. On every occasion, their greedy cattle takes away their car and bank card. And they just have to talk and cry. Well, bewitch the bank card back.

Psychologist Leonid vowed not to fall in love at work. Indifference and cynicism became his professional highlight. But one day a simple and beautiful client came. She complained: no one understands her. Whatever you do, it's not like that. They tell her where to go, what to say, they call her stupid. They raise a little light, they drive somewhere. In the evening shaping - who is it all? There is not enough money, all alone and still screaming incessantly.

- How long ago did this hell begin? The psychologist asked.
- How my husband left and started.
- It's strange. Departed husbands rarely yell.
- Yes, he is in America, we do not communicate.
- Who is yelling?
“Daughter, third grader,” the woman said proudly.

We all love Russian psychology for surrealism, endless like Jean Cocteau in the lower Volga. Psychologist Leonid was delighted. Real science began. Nastenka, a satrap girl, entered the office. On the contrary, my mother was kicked out into the corridor. Leonid suggested drawing a house and a non-existent animal. Nastya refused. She came on a serious matter. The father left the family. And the mother has a weak character. Well at least there is a loving daughter. So that the mother does not become limp, you have to raise her at seven, drive her out for a run. In the evening, no sad films, only cartoons. On weekends, mushrooms and a bike. But most importantly, a new husband is needed. It's like with cats. Old dead - start a new one right there.

- The psychological phenomenon of repression - Leonid commented.
The girl did not argue. She has already found three suitors. The first did not fit because he was married. The second one was hunchback, didn't like it. The third is pretty, but the mother said they already had such a handsome husband.

Leonid began to explain that mother herself must find a spouse. So it is. When Nastenka grows up, she will also find herself some scoundrel. Itself!
The girl agreed again. She will find herself. And now the mother needs. Nastya walks the streets, looks at men - and nothing. Continuous illiquid stock.

Then Leonid made a more authentic speech. Childhood should be childhood. Adult life will come later. In the meantime, you have to jump, play naughty, you can drop the glass, if you get it.
Nastya asked the psychologist if he was married. And she looked with blue eyes. After the word "divorced" she invited me to tea. The psychologist joked back. He said: unfortunately, there are so many bad children around that there is no time. And Nastena is a wonderful girl, obedient, caring, and her mother is so beautiful, everything will be fine with them, goodbye.

- Well, well, - said Nastenka. And the next day she headed the fight of the third classes, "a" and "b". Then she broke the aquarium, spat at someone and even tried to smoke. In her words, she was advised by the school psychologist. The headmaster of the school didn't believe it, of course. But she told the psychologist to check the child's home environment.

Now Leonid and Nastina's mother walk arm in arm. Not married yet, but you know, a good girl cannot be stopped. This is not a juvenile bully, unlucky and flexible.