Лучше быть ёжиком в Германии, чем человеком в...

Better to be a hedgehog in Germany than a man in Russia! A letter from a Russian girl living in Germany to her friend in Russia (the author’s spelling and humorous calculations are preserved intact): “I’m going, I’m shopping, I’m looking: the hedgehog is on the side of the road. in the bloodshed: a car, probably, was hit. Here in the suburbs they just don’t crush! Hedgehogs, foxes, snakes .. sometimes they even come across roe deer. I felt sorry for him: I wrapped it in a newspaper and brought it home. I called Helmut, asking what What is he to do? Take me to the hospital, there’s a veterinary department. Okay, I’m carrying it. I went into the office. I’m met by some Aibolit who has been pumped up: two meters tall, you can sew two sheets from a dressing gown. You are exhausted ?! I think that it’s for sure: an elk. And count: I forgot how German a hedgehog was. Then I looked in the dictionary. Well, I shove it to the poor fellow: they say such a chase happened, kranken animal, heal, come on. It was called a moose - love hedgehogs. .. So he turned out to be Aibolit in life: the mug distorted, the poor thing almost cried. rubbed with ampoules, almost licked and sandal inject. Damn, I think little hedgehog of their needles. And he carried it to the operating room. Wait, said about an hour. Well, somehow dumb to leave - I'm waiting. An hour and a half later this moose crawls out. The scoreboard is mournful, as if my relative is bending here. And he broadcasts: they say, how good it is that you brought the poor creature in time! Injury de, very difficult, will live, but will remain disabled. Now, Fraulein, you cannot even take him away or even visit him: a lactarius after anesthesia. I am quietly frenzied by such care. And then the full am end begins. Aybolit continues: "For a couple of days, the patient (nota hedgehog!) Will have to lie in the intensive care unit (for hedgehogs, n /// x? !!!), and then you can pick him up." I probably had it written on my face - and for hell at home I’ve got a hedgehog with a disability ?! He catches himself: “But maybe it is burdensome and overly responsible for you (yo-mine !!!). Then you can place an animal in a shelter (b /// ya !!!). If you still decide to shelter him, some bureaucratic formalities will be needed ... "I understand that you can’t laugh, a sad German, like at the funeral of the Fuhrer. I barely hold back so as not to roll up and ask: "The custody agreement (over the hedgehog, e /// t !!!)?" He replies: “No, a description of your family, Fraulein. The document should contain information about whether you or your family members have been accused of violence against animals (I’m struggling to get the image of Helmut, cohabiting with a hedgehog!). In addition, the magistrate must confirm that you have sufficient material and living conditions for custody of the animal (are we too poor for the hedgehog, with /// ka !!!). " I, damn it, still had the strength to say: they say, I will consult with my family before taking such a crucial step as adoption of a hedgehog. Then I am interested in: how much do I owe per operation? My answer was suppressing: “Oh, no,” he says, “you don’t owe anything! We have a federal program to save animals that have suffered from people.” And then check it out: "On the contrary, you will receive a bonus of 100 euros for timely contact with us. You will be sent money by postal order (... eight, nine - out !!!)." We are grateful for your kindness. Danke shen, guterechtsig freuilain, aufvidzerzeyn! "In general, I went home in full fury, there was no strength to laugh. And then something sad became: I remembered our little girl when my aunt lay after a heart attack. She dragged me like food three times a day, linen, dishes, begged to be examined and anointed with green stuff ... As a result, such a maxim was born: "It is better to be a hedgehog in Germany than a person in Russia!"