Леша встал с дивана, пошел на кухню, поставил чайник. Ася слышала, как он двигает кастрюли в холодильнике.
- Уже проголодался? – крикнула она.
- А у тебя есть курица тушеная! - он вернулся в комнату и звонко пошлепал себя по голому животу.
Ася вскочила и побежала на кухню, на ходу включив телевизор.
По телевизору шли новости. Леша смотрел вполглаза. Вдруг дикторша нахмурилась и заученно-тревожным голосом сказала, что при заходе на посадку потерпел крушение пассажирский самолет…
- А? – вскрикнул Леша.
- Что? – спросила Ася из кухни.
- Тихо! – он бросился к телевизору.
-Что-что? – Ася вбежала в комнату.
- Не может быть, - сказал Леша. – Погоди. У тебя комп включен? Не надо, я айфон возьму…– потыкал пальцем в экран и скривился. – Ась, мне надо ехать. Самолет упал.
- Какой? – не поняла она.
- Мой!
Потому что Леша сказал жене, что командировка с пятого по двенадцатое. А на самом деле она была с седьмого. Думал, что два дня будут в его полном распоряжении. И вот такое гадство. Надо возвращаться домой и врать, что опоздал на рейс.
- А может, не надо? – легкомысленно сказала Ася. – Если там все погибли? Отрастишь усы, купишь новый паспорт, и все дела! Тебе пойдут небольшие усики. Здравствуй, новая жизнь! – и она его поцеловала. Она была голая и красивая.
- Ага, конечно! – усмехнулся Леша. – Я же не регистрировался. Я вообще брал билет на послезавтра.
- Понятно, – сказала она и вздохнула.
Выйдя из метро, Леша сильно подвернул ногу. «По Фрейду, - вспомнил он статью в каком-то журнале. – Значит, мне дико неохота домой. А может, правда? Усы, взятку в паспортный стол, и новая жизнь?»
Он поковылял к дому.
Открыл дверь своим ключом. Стиральная машина работала на отжим, выла и грохотала. Он поставил сумку под вешалку.
Стиральная машина щелкнула и замолчала.
- Нет, не сегодня и не завтра, - услышал он голос своей жены; она разговаривала по телефону. – Это как-то неприлично. И потом, надо будет на опознание лететь, наверное... Да какие сорок дней, ты что! – засмеялась она. – На той неделе. Я сама позвоню…
Леша захотел распахнуть дверь и сказать: «Я вообще-то жив. Но не смею больше навязываться!»
- Конечно, это судьба, - сказала жена. – Целую, целую тебя.
И повесила трубку.
Леша решил: хрен вам с маслицем, а не судьба.
Снова открыл входную дверь, потом громко захлопнул и крикнул:
- Туська, привет! Такая невезуха! Ногу вывихнул, растяжение, наверное! Три часа на лавочке сидел, пока очухался. Поменяю билет на послезавтра.
Жена выскочила в коридор, бросилась к нему, обняла его.
- Лешенька! Живой!
- Тусь, ты чего? – удивился он.
- Леша, - она прижалась к нему еще сильней. – Твой самолет упал. Понимаешь? Самолет разбился. А ты на него опоздал. Понял? Ты понял?
- Вот это да! – сказал он. – Слушай, прямо не верится. Нет, правда?
- Правда, - сказала она. – Это судьба.
Она прикрыла глаза, медленно и сладко поцеловала его.
- Ой, – сказал он. – Нога жутко болит, извини.
Все врут. (С) Доктор Хаус
Lesha got up from the couch, went to the kitchen, put down the kettle. Asya heard him move the pots in the refrigerator.
- Already hungry? She shouted.
- Do you have stewed chicken! - He returned to the room and loudly slapped himself on his bare stomach.
Asya jumped up and ran into the kitchen, turning on the TV on the go.
There was news on TV. Alex looked in the middle of the eye. Suddenly the announcer frowned and said in a learned and alarming voice that a passenger plane crashed while approaching ...
- AND? - cried Lesha.
- What? Asya asked from the kitchen.
- Quiet! - he rushed to the TV.
-I'm sorry, what? - Asya ran into the room.
“It cannot be,” said Lesha. - Wait a minute. Is your computer turned on? No, I'll take an iPhone ... - I poked my finger at the screen and grimaced. - As, I have to go. The plane crashed.
- Which one? She did not understand.
- Mine!
Because Lesha told his wife that the business trip was from the fifth to the twelfth. But in fact she was from the seventh. I thought that two days would be at his full disposal. And such a disgusting thing. We must return home and lie that I was late for the flight.
- Maybe not? - Asya said frivolously. “If everyone died there?” Grow a mustache, buy a new passport, and all things! You will need a small antennae. Hello, new life! - and she kissed him. She was naked and beautiful.
- Yeah of course! - Lesha grinned. - I did not register. I generally took a ticket for the day after tomorrow.
“I see,” she said, and sighed.
Leaving the subway, Lesha twisted his leg strongly. “According to Freud,” he recalled an article in a magazine. “So I'm wildly reluctant to go home.” Or maybe the truth? A mustache, a bribe to the passport office, and a new life? ”
He hobbled to the house.
He opened the door with his key. The washing machine was spinning, howling and rumbling. He put the bag under the hanger.
The washing machine clicked and shut up.
“No, not today and not tomorrow,” he heard his wife's voice; she was talking on the phone. - It's somehow indecent. And then, it will be necessary to fly for identification, probably ... Yes, what forty days, what are you! She laughed. - That week. I will call…
Alex wanted to open the door and say: “I'm actually alive. But I don’t dare to impose myself anymore! ”
“Of course, this is fate,” said the wife. - Kiss, kiss you.
And hung up.
Alex decided: to hell with you butter, and not fate.
He opened the front door again, then slammed it shut and shouted:
- Tuska, hello! Such a bad luck! Dislocated leg, stretching, probably! He sat on a bench for three hours while he recovered. Change the ticket for the day after tomorrow.
My wife jumped out into the corridor, rushed to him, hugged him.
- Lesha! Alive!
- Tus, what are you doing? - he was surprised.
“Lesha,” she snuggled closer to him. - Your plane crashed. Do you understand? The plane crashed. And you were late for him. Got it? Do you understand?
- Wow! - he said. - Listen, I don’t believe it directly. No really?
“True,” she said. - This is destiny.
She closed her eyes, kissed him slowly and sweetly.
“Oh,” he said. - My leg hurts terribly, I'm sorry.
Everyone lies. (C) Dr. House
- Already hungry? She shouted.
- Do you have stewed chicken! - He returned to the room and loudly slapped himself on his bare stomach.
Asya jumped up and ran into the kitchen, turning on the TV on the go.
There was news on TV. Alex looked in the middle of the eye. Suddenly the announcer frowned and said in a learned and alarming voice that a passenger plane crashed while approaching ...
- AND? - cried Lesha.
- What? Asya asked from the kitchen.
- Quiet! - he rushed to the TV.
-I'm sorry, what? - Asya ran into the room.
“It cannot be,” said Lesha. - Wait a minute. Is your computer turned on? No, I'll take an iPhone ... - I poked my finger at the screen and grimaced. - As, I have to go. The plane crashed.
- Which one? She did not understand.
- Mine!
Because Lesha told his wife that the business trip was from the fifth to the twelfth. But in fact she was from the seventh. I thought that two days would be at his full disposal. And such a disgusting thing. We must return home and lie that I was late for the flight.
- Maybe not? - Asya said frivolously. “If everyone died there?” Grow a mustache, buy a new passport, and all things! You will need a small antennae. Hello, new life! - and she kissed him. She was naked and beautiful.
- Yeah of course! - Lesha grinned. - I did not register. I generally took a ticket for the day after tomorrow.
“I see,” she said, and sighed.
Leaving the subway, Lesha twisted his leg strongly. “According to Freud,” he recalled an article in a magazine. “So I'm wildly reluctant to go home.” Or maybe the truth? A mustache, a bribe to the passport office, and a new life? ”
He hobbled to the house.
He opened the door with his key. The washing machine was spinning, howling and rumbling. He put the bag under the hanger.
The washing machine clicked and shut up.
“No, not today and not tomorrow,” he heard his wife's voice; she was talking on the phone. - It's somehow indecent. And then, it will be necessary to fly for identification, probably ... Yes, what forty days, what are you! She laughed. - That week. I will call…
Alex wanted to open the door and say: “I'm actually alive. But I don’t dare to impose myself anymore! ”
“Of course, this is fate,” said the wife. - Kiss, kiss you.
And hung up.
Alex decided: to hell with you butter, and not fate.
He opened the front door again, then slammed it shut and shouted:
- Tuska, hello! Such a bad luck! Dislocated leg, stretching, probably! He sat on a bench for three hours while he recovered. Change the ticket for the day after tomorrow.
My wife jumped out into the corridor, rushed to him, hugged him.
- Lesha! Alive!
- Tus, what are you doing? - he was surprised.
“Lesha,” she snuggled closer to him. - Your plane crashed. Do you understand? The plane crashed. And you were late for him. Got it? Do you understand?
- Wow! - he said. - Listen, I don’t believe it directly. No really?
“True,” she said. - This is destiny.
She closed her eyes, kissed him slowly and sweetly.
“Oh,” he said. - My leg hurts terribly, I'm sorry.
Everyone lies. (C) Dr. House
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