В неком городе России (Может быть, что даже...

In a certain city of Russia
(It may be that even in yours)
There is a computer company
Under the name ... I do not remember.

A firm, in general, as a firm:
She sells iron
And some programs
(Do not say for nothing,
But not at an exorbitant price either)
Pays taxes on time
(Half is for sure)
Rent a room
At NIimorgorvorproma.

There is a director in this company,
There is an accountant and driver,
Sellers one three things,
The girl on the phone
What can express
Read the price list to the client ...
And there serves someone
For technical support
(In our language
Called caliper).

From morning to lunch
From lunch to sunset
(And often even later,
If the day, for example, winter)
He is sitting on the phone
(Or rather, just to the left),
And when the client does not listen
Price list chased rows,
And shouts that, they say, computer
It does not work as it should -
The girl is calling the caliper
He takes the phone submissively
And listens with the ear
Outliers are:

"I bought a mouse from you here,
And today, my hard drive
Formatted in FIG!
In the mouse was probably a virus
I wish compensation! ",

"I bought a video card,
I can not put it!
I tried very long -
In the monitor, she does not climb! ",

"CD-drive you bought,
I was told - everything reads
Why are my floppy
He does not want to read to stop?! ",

"I have your program
So the car curtain
What's all over my apartment
Electricity went out! ",

"After your utility
Smoked power supply!
Where to download me a new driver
With switched off smoke? ",

"I got a modem from you
And stuck it in the socket -
Why the internet
I still do not see?
And more: modem wire
Does not fit the monitor -
No, I don't need a computer,
I want to watch pictures! "...

And the caliper on these speeches
Patiently responds
Gently and calmly
Literary language
("Your mother" will not say
Will say "your fee
Maternal ... ") And times
That way from the fifth to the sixth
To the client suddenly comes -
Not always, but still not infrequent.

Sophisticated customers,
All that follows is done
Hang up the phone and right there
Forget about the caliper ...

And when the sun sets,
Darkness descends to the earth.
Quiet in the firm is deserted,
And souls on the trading floor,
Computers sleep in sleep mode,
The director and accountant are sleeping,
Sleeps gland tester
With the manual under the pillow,
Head to keyboard
Sleeping puzzled hacker,
Separately and together
Customers and clients sleep,

And in NIimorgorvorprom
Vhrovets napping on watch.
But when midnight comes,
Beat the clock on the old tower,

And the caliper gets out of bed
At their last blow.
Black he face and body
Only burn with bloody fire,
Like a modem light bulb,
Two pupils in the darkness of midnight.
Black, terrible and silent,
He walks under the moon,
And through the locked doors
Penetrates like a hacker.

And awful awakening
Those customers and clients
What an idiotic question
Happy disturbed caliper;
And they scream heart-rending,
But no one hears the screams ...

And in the morning they are found,
With fans in the throat,
With a cord on the neck,
Columns are inserted into the skull
On the processor in the sockets,
User's manual in the stomach ...

And the police is powerless
Find traces of the killer.
Therefore heed, O user,
This sad ballad,

And, upgrading your computer,
Honor diligently docks,
Learn in smart magazines
Iron sections,
And with knowledgeable people
In conferences, talk.

And only if you are sure
What really is your practical question -
Only then call calipers!
But not that ... I AM terrified ...