Когда уместно и нужно употреблять слово "Блядь"; Лифт,...

When it is appropriate and necessary to use the word "Fuck";

Elevator, top floor.
- Down to you?
- No, bl ..., sideways!
__________

- Mother-in-law, do you need a stove?
- Gas?
- No, bl ... marble!
__________
Two cows in a slaughterhouse. One refers to the other:
- Tell me, are you here for the first time?
-No, damn it, in the second!
_________
A man comes to a hardware store:
- Give me soap and rope.
- Do you want to hang yourself?
- No, damn it, I'll wash myself - and climbers !!!
__________
The American takes out the last bottle of vodka and says to the Russian:
- Will you?
- I'll pour those fucking !!
_________
- Honey ... I have two stripes ...
- You are pregnant?
- No, damn it, I'm a chipmunk !!!
_________
Court, witness, what did you do on March 16, 2016 at 11:42 am?
Witness, - well, I was sitting in an armchair with a calendar and looked, bl ..., at the clock!
__________

The railway woman asks the one who runs after the train and waving
by the hands of a man
- Man, are you late for the train?
- No, bl ..., I'm driving him out of the station!
__________

A man comes to the doctor and sticks out a small, small penis.
The doctor looks and asks.
- Complaining?
Man: no bl ... I'm bragging!
__________

- My hamster died.
- What just took and died?
- No, bl ..., with special effects!
__________

A man approaches a grandmother in the market who sells potatoes.
- Grandma, do you have potatoes for planting?
- (viciously) - no, bl ..., take off!
__________

A man comes to another on the bus.
- Oh sorry!
- What are you, bl ..., an intellectual?
- No, no, that you are the same cattle as you!
__________

War, a tank ran through the trench. One soldier to another.
- Che, Wan, crap out of fear?
- No, bl ..., out of rabid hatred of the enemy.
__________
- Do you want a sliced ​​loaf?
- No, bl ... smoothbore!
__________
In the morning I get out of the shower with a towel wrapped around my head, mine asks.
- You, from the shower?
- No, bl ... from India on a direct flight!
__________
The boss is the secretary.
- Gather all employees for a meeting, urgently!
- By the selector?
- No, bl ..., through "classmates", it will be faster!
__________
There is a man in one boot.
- Man, have you lost your boot?
- no, bl…., found!
__________
- I forgot to turn off the iron at home!
- And what, now everything will burn out for you?
- No, bl .., everything will be ironed!
__________
Telephone operator.
- The number you are calling does not answer ...
- What, at all?
- No, bl ..., the first two digits answered, and the rest are silent!
_________
- The man! The newspaper stuck to your ass!
- Really?
- No, damn it, Izvestia!
_________
- I took your candles. No use, and it tastes disgusting ...
- Did you eat them, or what?
- No, damn it, he shoved it in the ass !!!
__________
- Honey, you will become a dad.
- Are you pregnant?
- No, damn it, they called from the Vatican!

And I don't use that word at all. Even if I step barefoot on LEGO
or can't find the end of the tape. After all, I'm an intellectual, bl ...!