Ищу в холодильнике. Пусто. Смотрю по кухонным полкам...

I am looking in the refrigerator. Empty. I look at the kitchen shelves and cupboards. Empty. Spaghetti, cheap and tasteless, dried bread, an almost empty pack of oatmeal - all I found. And this in spite of everything, against all the efforts and shameful handouts - the help of friends.


The house is empty again.


I return from the kitchen to the living room, sit down on the sofa, look around the coffee table, lined with beer bottles, post-garbage, ashtray plates. At the very edge there is a mirror and a saucer with a coquettish heap of cocaine. Little left over from last night.


That's all, damn it. From food - only "coke".


Now you can either fill your hunger with half a gram, or call your friends and invite them over - they will grab something along the way. I already went through the last scenario. We'll have a bite to eat, play the fool until late at night, go and dance where ... Tomorrow I will hardly get up to work again.



In the afternoon, I'll sweeten my hunger with public tea sweetened with triple sugar - it's more satisfying. Then there will be evening, and again you will have to eat something.


I don't remember when this madness started. Maybe even then, long ago, when we just met ..?


But it was great. Accidental correspondence on the Internet, an unexpected meeting in the club, where he found himself - cheerful, dancing, knowing everyone around ... Meetings-meetings-meetings. Various companies, free parties by appointment. Everything is cool, in a word.


We were great together, I remember. Carefree, carefree months ... We began to rent an apartment together, because it's even more fun ... His circle of acquaintances is endless. DJs, musicians, party-goers, just laughingly light words of the characters.


It was enough for us to sit out our day at work - and again dive into the fog of idleness.


Six months passed like this? Eight? Year? I can't remember right away. But time flew by quickly. What was done? Nothing. We floated like dragonflies through life, loved, loved, made noise, rang, had fun as best we could.


I think this could go on for a long time.


The bones of such a sweet life crunched the day he left work: "I can't, I don't like it, I have to find something to my liking." I was even delighted! I saw that I was burdened by the office, people. The relationship in the firm was not easy ... Well, something like that. In general, I approved.


I have always worked, and now I work. Not that I make good money, but enough for myself. And the month would have lasted easily. A woman should help her man - this is natural.


The flight continued ... But the ease in my life did not increase. Another period at work was not easy. Came back late. Tiredly sat with him and common friends, which made it a habit to visit us in the evenings. In the morning I dragged myself languidly to work.


Yesterday it was like that, for example. There are terrible circles under my eyes, I almost fell asleep on the subway, was late for the office for an hour. The whole day the world seemed to flutter at a distance, the words of colleagues barely reached consciousness. I don’t know how they didn’t kick me out yet!


And so - for several months. Hard. Old, still university friends, seeing what was happening, sometimes began to bring food. I did not tell him anything about it - for some reason it was embarrassing to lay out the accusations at a difficult time. You never know, the man will be offended!


He was looking for a job, of course. Diligently so. Once in a couple of weeks, I dragged myself to the next interview, after which I came back every time, unhappy with the offer. Immediately afterwards, as a rule, he offered to unwind ... Call someone home, visit him, dance somewhere. Not only did he not feel discouraged, but he also enjoyed life, as usual.


And she didn't say a word, not a word ..!


In general, I am sitting, thinking, looking at the saucer. To coke.


I go to the kitchen. Well, where is he !? He mentioned some business in the morning, like it is necessary to congratulate someone on their birthday.


I sit down at the table. I stare blankly at the unwashed dishes. Above the sink, at the very edge of the tap, water collects in a drop. A drop, already almost formed, draws water onto itself ...


Falling. Cap ..!


I'm going to collect my things.