Пошёл я как-то к своей девушке в общежитие...

I once went to my girlfriend in a dormitory to have sex. She had only once before. I go to her, talked a little. Abyl with a terrible binge, and my stomach was swollen, while she was describing something there, I lay down on the bed and sank. At this time, the girl decided to go to the shower, but did not wake me up and turned off the light in the room. The door was locked ... woke up from the reigning in the tummy tsunami. So I wanted to shit - it's just n @ zdets. I rushed to the door, a little in the dark I flew across the table. BL @ T !!! The door was locked. I started looking for a switch, and he, by the way, was behind the wardrobe, which, of course, I did not suspect! If I don’t send it now, I’ll just burst. I knocked on the door to think about how someone had heard me, and what would they say! It's just p@zdets. Imagine yourself in my place. I’m in the room, I want to shit awfully, locked up, and there is no light. And then I felt that a strong pressure of farting was going through the intestines, which my} {opa could not contain. As it turned out a moment later, she did not restrain herself. Fuck you! I blew with gravy ... But still} {oops turned out to be a young man: crap cowards just a little bit. Then my quirky umpi told me: “Lurk in the room, just put something in, and then throw it in the window.” Well, I did. I grabbed the first leaf from the table, sat in the corner and crap it completely. I prayed at this moment that my girl would not come. But it was all right - he got the hell out of it. I took a few more sheets from the table and wiped them with them. Shit, I rolled up the paper and threw it in the window. Since my hands were all in shit, I took a towel and wiped it dry without looking, threw it in the window, in the sense I thought that it was a towel, x @ whether, invisible neither x @ me! Whatever shit would drag me away, I went up to the dressing table, took the first bottle that came across, poured myself on my hands and face. He undressed calmly lay in bed, as if nothing had happened. Five minutes later my girlfriend arrived, and without turning on the light, she slipped a blanket to me. We fought great there, it’s without comment. In the morning I woke up from the hysterical laughter of my friend ... I opened my eyes and looked at what he was laughing at: by the evening of June, there were no mosquitoes from hanging on the windows, usually BL @@@@@@@@ TH! !!!!!! So on this net, then glass and the whole window - shit. There were so many, even flashed headlong: neither x @ I shit yesterday. Further, therefore, the shit was stuck and a snow-white blouse hung, in the sense it was snow-white, x @ whether, I repeat, I didn’t see any x @ me !!! But that wasn’t all when I spotted it, I wanted to throw myself out of the window. S@ka! This is her control final work, chickpeas integrals, derivatives, she calculated them the WHOLE WEEK, and I infected myself with all this. But she didn’t understand this ... Laughing, he turned back to me, we could see how I was so damned! Looking at me, the girl fell and huddled in laughter on the floor. I jumped up the bed and ran to the mirror, looking at my face, and further on at my hands ....... .. I just SCREAMED! All my hands were in green, everything was fuck @ lo, hair, even ears. Then I remembered that I had smeared my ass. Fuck you, overdid it. I took my clothes out and ran away from the room. I was ashamed how embarrassing! Laugh, laugh when you see what I’ve wiped off: the final work, which she will do tomorrow, you will not laugh, I thought, running through the corridor. I want to say that I studied at a sudden institute, and met this girl by accident. After this, I never saw her again. This incident occurred in Tomsk, but now it is being spoken about in other cities in different formulations. This is a real story. And if that girl suddenly reads this, then I'm sorry Olya!