делюсь прикольной подборкой *папиных умелок* 1. Мы пошли...

I share a cool selection of * dad's craftsmanship *

1.
 We went to a manger. While I drive a child, but so historically, that
 spouse will lead in the week. “Okay,” he says, “I'll take it.” And how is it there
hand over?. I say - "Well, how ... bring, change, remove the diaper
 and you hand over to the teacher. "" How, just you hand over everything? And some
SHIPPING need to be filled out? "

2. I also remembered .. not quite about
nursery but. A friend was given PDD .. December 14th. Husband rises in the morning
work, it naturally goes awry. He actively wakes her up and says - why are you
 are you sleeping ????? Do not forget, you still have to give birth today.

3. My husband
girlfriend came to the hospital - look at the newborn daughter. Took her on
pens, examined for a long time - then he says: "Well, she already has eyes
erupted? And I thought like kittens, only in a week "
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Washed
somehow my friend’s newborn daughter. And I, like, an experienced mother, and
here is the newly made father (a programmer, by the way) asks me: "Masha, but in
 what age do children start to think about what a number is? "

5.
 The first day after giving birth. Danka crap one's pants and I decided to immediately accustom
dad to the most unpleasant procedures, i.e. ordered to wash the ass, showed
how to hold. Sink behind the partition. After 5 seconds, dad appears without
a child. I scream in horror .... Dad: "Don’t worry so much, I’m in
I left the sink for a minute, said that it would not spin ... I just
forgot to wear gloves

6. And our dad before the first birth, when I
worried about how I would give birth and all that, offered him "at least for
to fight with me, "said:" Well, why are you so worried, well, just
20 minutes and that’s all! "I (dumbfounded): -Where did you get that 20 minutes? He: - Well
 that I, in the cinema, did not see how they give birth or something ....

7. And my husband went
 with me at birth. And for a very long time then he was surprised and told friends -
“Imagine, they put her to her chest and she immediately began to suck. And I
I thought I’ll have to teach her, show how this is done ... And she herself!
What a clever !!!! "

8. I nevertheless arrived at the birth, but with ... a book ... I said that during the birth I would read ....

9.
 The midwife makes a newborn to dad, shows, congratulates. Dad
startled: Oh, and why is he so red all over? The midwife was not at a loss:
 Itself would try to climb through such a hole.

10. I only remember
that when the child was 1.5 months old, then dad put on rattles on the child.
On each handle and foot, on the wrists and ankles, put on handles
rattles. And with a clever look, he said, "they are specially made for this."

eleven.
 Dad in a day nursery stomped for daughters for the first time, came - still all the kids are sleeping,
the teacher was busy with something and asked him to quietly daughter
wake up, help her get dressed (so that other babies do not wake up and see
 that someone has not been taken away already), as a result, the child arrived at
 a summer cottage in boy’s pants, a shirt and other (replaceable) slippers.
Mom in shock: all weekend he imagined a poor boy (wakes up a
there’s a pink dress on the stool) and then you’ll have to listen to
parents and teachers), dad made excuses for the fact that the beds are
in rows and in between chairs with clothes, well, you think you confused with what
side of the bed daughters highchair ....

12. I remembered how in daughters
six months freaked out and left in an unknown direction, turning off the cell.
It was about 6 p.m. I'm home at 10. On the table are a few
open jars with children's vegetable purees - a spoon sticks out of each,
 the jars are full (as the daughter didn’t like THIS) and one empty jar:
with a poke method, the husband got to the jar that the daughter loved all
soul. In the bathroom - the heat is incredible: the heater is turned on and all are plugged
cracks, all waterfowl are dumped in the bath. Daughter sleeps with dad on
 belly in the most elegant jumpsuit. On the swaddle lie all open
baby creams and hairbrushes. In general, our dad dealt with the care of
child: fed, lathered, smeared with creams, combed, dressed up and ... sleep
 put it down. At the same time, he cut himself.

13. My husband when the daughter was 2
month asked the neonatologist ... but what kind of meat can I already give? And so everyone
 month until allowed.

14. My friend has a husband
big boss, intellectual ... She went to wash, and to his child (3
months) passed. Washes and hears the daughter cries. Shouts to him - well, calm you down
her, talk to her even ... It turns out that he wears it and counts 45, 46,
47 ... In response to a surprised look, she speaks in her hearts - well, what am I talking about
 to talk to her? I can’t carry any nonsense!

15. I lie in the taxiway
My husband calls and asks: how long does the construction work? I: and you
why (well, never mind)? HE: you asked my daughter for oil !!!

sixteen.
They discharged me from the hospital. As expected - a friend came to see
on baby congratulate. I put Alina in the bloodstream, I say: "Maxim,
look after the child, when he wakes up, you will say. "But we must add that
before that I fed her. As soon as I poured tea, they rang out of the room
heart-rending cries: "Everything is here, Alina is bad !!!" Naturally all scared
I resort. Dad burns the distance